The Righteous and the Holy

What are we to do about the righteous and the holy?

Lord, please tell me.

Some of ’em hurt my head.

Some of ’em are evil.

Some of ’em are real.

How do I tell the difference?

Yes, I see what you’re saying, Lord.

If they preach fear and hate.

If they yell from the roof tops how holy they are.

If they look me in the eye and I do not see Jesus

Then you’re saying I should take a walk.

If they’re quiet about their holiness.

If they feed the poor.

If they radiate love.

Then you’re saying I should embrace ’em with all the Love I have in me.

Thank you, Lord.

I knew you would set me straight

But please, Lord, don’t ever let me get righteous and holy.

I kinda like being a sinner.


Cornbread and Beans

Been livin’ off cornbread and beans for a while now

Been livin’ off cornbread and beans

Ain’t gonna be treated this way no more

Ain’t gonna be treated this way

Gonna do somethin’ about it, right quick

Gonna do somethin’ about it

Gonna git my gun, my big ol’ .44

Gonna git my gun

Gonna find me the overseer, gonna shoot him down

Gonna find me the overseer

The man done took my wages for being slow

The man done took my dignity

The man’s gonna die, this fine day

The man’s gonna die

Oh yeah, the man’s gonna die

Then I’ll be free to eat my fill of steaks and potatoes

Then I’ll be free

Lord, I’ve tried to git along

Lord, I’ve tried

Now the man’s gonna die

I’m gonna sing and dance on his grave

I’m gonna sing and dance

I ain’t gonna eat no more cornbread and beans, not never again

I ain’t gonna eat no more cornbread and beans


Wishes & Dishes


I wish I could heal this here world

I wish I could eliminate the evil in this here world

I wish no one ever went hungry

I wish no child ever cried out in pain

I wish no one ever screamed out in fear

I wish all dreams of all people always came true

I wish I wasn’t such a pussy

I wish I would take the first step to fulfill my wishes

I wish I would seek out those who need succor

I wish I would seek out those who are hungry and feed them

I wish I would wrap my arms around those who are cold

I wish I would listen to the lonely

I wish I would become their friend

I wish I would take the homeless unto me

I wish I were a better human being

I wish I could give more love

I wish a lot of things

But instead of fulfilling these wishes

I think I’ll go do the dishes and then watch some TV

A Low-Down Dirty Shame


It’s a low-down dirty shame how I feel every night

It’s a low-down dirty shame how I feel every morning

It’s a low-down dirty shame how you make me feel

My life’s just a low down dirty shame

I’m gonna do somethin’ about it

I’m gonna make changes

The next time you rag on me for comin’ in late

The next time you rag on me for bein’ drunk

I’m packin’ my bag

I’m  puttin’ on my travelin’ shoes

I’m grabbin’ my walkin’ stick and headin’ out the door

I’m gonna find me a woman who’ll treat me nice

I’m gonna find me a woman who’ll buy me liquor

I’m gonna find me a woman who’ll buy me weed

I’m gonna find me a woman who’ll scratch my back

She’s gonna pay the rent too

I’m gonna find her

I’m gonna find her

And it will be a low-down dirty shame if I don’t

A low-down dirty shame if I don’t

Outta Commission for the Duration

Okay, here’s the story. Being a storyteller I can’t help myself. I was about an hour and a half into the woods on a beautiful Sunday morning. The sky was clear, the air brisk, and the birds were singing their morning songs for all the world to hear. Then I came along. I was making my way down a tall stone (about as tall as as I am) situated at a 45 degree angle. My foot slipped on some wet moss or algae. Anyway, it was green. When I came down, I heard a loud CRACK! I looked down and my left foot was at a 90 degree angle from my leg. It was pointed in a way it should not have been pointing. My first thought was that I should move it back in place before the pain set in. So, I reached down and took foot in hand and moved it back into place as far as I could. It was still 30 degrees outta plumb, but what the hell. I just so happened to have a cold Heineken on ice in my backpack, so I popped the cap and took a long slow swallow. Lying flat on the ground, I called 911. They pinged my cell phone and eventually found me. Once at the hospital, putting my ankle back in place before the surgery was a fun experience. And here I am.

The End


Bobby the Big Blue Bunny


Bobby the Big Blue Bunny wasn’t always big, and he wasn’t always blue. However, he had always been Bobby, at least for as long as he could remember.

When he was only a white bunny, Bobby used to live in the woods with his other bunny friends. His closest friends were Homer, Janice, and Tommy. They would play together every day. They would play many games, but their favorite was hide-n-seek. That was ever so much fun.

One day, Bobby decided that he was going to be the champion hide-n-seek player of all time. He would hide so well that no one would ever find him. Not even Janice who was the best hide-n-seek player in the whole wide world!

On that day, as Janice covered her eyes and counted to one hundred, Tommy and Homer hid in their usual places. But Bobby went deep into the woods, farther than he had ever gone before. His mommy would have been so worried about him if she had known how far from home he had traveled.

After a while, he came to an old fallen-down-and-hollowed-out log in a quiet glade. I can hide in there and Janice will never find me, thought Bobby. So he hopped into the log and made himself comfortable. It was cozy. It was so cozy that after a while, Bobby started to get sleepy. I’ll take a short nap. Then I’ll go back and surprise them all. How all the other bunnies will cheer when I hop into the clearing after Janice has given up looking for me. These were his thoughts as he fell asleep.

The next thing Bobby knew, it was nighttime. He had slept longer than he had intended, and he was afraid. It was too dark to find his way home; he missed his mommy. He wanted to cry, but decided he would be a big bunny and not cry. He would wait for the sun to come up and then he would scamper home as fast as he could.

Once again, Bobby fell asleep.

When he awoke this time, the sun was out and the birds were singing. It was a beautiful day. “Oh, good! Now I can go home,” said Bobby.

He started to squirm his way out of the log and he was almost out when he heard, “Dum-dee-dum-dum. Dum-dee-dum-dum.” Someone was humming to himself. Then the phrase was repeated: “Dum-dee-dum-dum.”

“What is this?” Bobby wondered aloud. There was only one way to find out, he would have to leave the safety of the log. The voice did not sound scary. In fact it was quite a pleasant voice, so he made his way out into the sunshine.

There, before him, stood the biggest bunny he had ever seen. And to top it off, he was pink in colour! The bunny was stirring something in a big black kettle. And there were many more kettles spread throughout the glade.

Bobby was about to turn and hop away when the pink bunny said, “I was wondering when you were going to wake up, sleepyhead.”

“You knew I was in the log?” asked Bobby.

“I surely did, but you were sleeping so soundly, I thought I’d leave you alone, for the time being.”

“What are you doing?” Bobby wanted to know.

“I’m getting the colour ready for my eggs,” was the bunny’s reasoned response.

“Your eggs?”

“Yes, my eggs! I’m the Easter Bunny. You’ve heard of me.”

“I’m sorry, but I haven’t.”

“It doesn’t matter. Now, come and give me a hand. I have to mix the next colour.”

The Easter Bunny walked over to a kettle and lifted what looked like a heavy sack. He poured the contents into the pot. “You stir this while I go on to the next one.”

“I’m sorry, sir, but I have to go home. My mommy will be worried about me.”

“Yes, mommies are like that.”

“It’s been nice meeting you, sir.”

“Yes, yes. Now be on your way. I’m running late, and this year I have much work to do.”

Bobby turned away and hopped down the trail. But an hour later he was back. “I can’t find my way home. I’ve gone too far. I’ve never been this far into the woods before.”

The Easter Bunny sighed. “I will see that you get home, but first you must help me. Pick up a stick and stir that kettle over there,” he said pointing to the biggest kettle of the lot.

“It’s a little too high for me to reach,” said Bobby.

With another sigh, the Easter Bunny went over and opened a short step-ladder that was nearby and put it next to the kettle. “Here. Stand on this, and make sure the colour is thoroughly mixed with the water. There is nothing worse than spotted eggs.”

Bobby climbed to the top of the ladder and started to stir. Then he asked, “How long do I do this?”

“Until I get back,” answered the Easter Bunny. Then he added, “I won’t be long. I have to get the eggs.”

Bobby was warming to the task. It was fun to watch the colour swirls as they mixed with the water. His attention was so fixed on what he was doing that he did not notice he had moved a little too close to the pot. When he did notice, he tried to take a step back, but he lost his balance and fell into the kettle. That was all right; the water was not hot, but the edge was too high for him to reach. He yelled for help, but there was no one there to hear him.

In a few minutes, the Easter Bunny returned and saw the splashing in the kettle Bobby was supposed to be tending. He peered over the rim and saw a thoroughly soaked Bobby swimming around in circles.

“Can’t I leave you alone for even a minute?” the Easter Bunny asked. And without waiting for an answer, he reached down and pulled Bobby out of the water.

The Easter Bunny gave Bobby a towel and told him to dry off. “And sit over there, out of the way. As soon as my eggs are coloured, I’ll see you home.”

A few hours later, Bobby was standing in front of his burrow waving good-bye to his new friend, the Easter Bunny. When he went inside, he saw his mother standing at the sink and he called to her. She turned to him—and dropped the plate she was washing. His brothers and sisters snickered and laughed. “What is it?” he wanted to know.

“Look in the mirror,” said one of his brothers.

And so Bobby did look in the mirror and was surprised to see a very blue bunny staring back at him. It had been the blue dye kettle he had fallen into.

From that day onward, everyone called him, Bobby the Blue Bunny. And when he grew up, he became known as, Bobby the Big Blue Bunny. It was then that he stopped playing hide-n-seek. Being big and blue, he was always too easy to find.

The End