Outta Commission for the Duration

Okay, here’s the story. Being a storyteller I can’t help myself. I was about an hour and a half into the woods on a beautiful Sunday morning. The sky was clear, the air brisk, and the birds were singing their morning songs for all the world to hear. Then I came along. I was making my way down a tall stone (about as tall as as I am) situated at a 45 degree angle. My foot slipped on some wet moss or algae. Anyway, it was green. When I came down, I heard a loud CRACK! I looked down and my left foot was at a 90 degree angle from my leg. It was pointed in a way it should not have been pointing. My first thought was that I should move it back in place before the pain set in. So, I reached down and took foot in hand and moved it back into place as far as I could. It was still 30 degrees outta plumb, but what the hell. I just so happened to have a cold Heineken on ice in my backpack, so I popped the cap and took a long slow swallow. Lying flat on the ground, I called 911. They pinged my cell phone and eventually found me. Once at the hospital, putting my ankle back in place before the surgery was a fun experience. And here I am.

The End

 

Bobby the Big Blue Bunny

Bobby

Bobby the Big Blue Bunny wasn’t always big, and he wasn’t always blue. However, he had always been Bobby, at least for as long as he could remember.

When he was only a white bunny, Bobby used to live in the woods with his other bunny friends. His closest friends were Homer, Janice, and Tommy. They would play together every day. They would play many games, but their favorite was hide-n-seek. That was ever so much fun.

One day, Bobby decided that he was going to be the champion hide-n-seek player of all time. He would hide so well that no one would ever find him. Not even Janice who was the best hide-n-seek player in the whole wide world!

On that day, as Janice covered her eyes and counted to one hundred, Tommy and Homer hid in their usual places. But Bobby went deep into the woods, farther than he had ever gone before. His mommy would have been so worried about him if she had known how far from home he had traveled.

After a while, he came to an old fallen-down-and-hollowed-out log in a quiet glade. I can hide in there and Janice will never find me, thought Bobby. So he hopped into the log and made himself comfortable. It was cozy. It was so cozy that after a while, Bobby started to get sleepy. I’ll take a short nap. Then I’ll go back and surprise them all. How all the other bunnies will cheer when I hop into the clearing after Janice has given up looking for me. These were his thoughts as he fell asleep.

The next thing Bobby knew, it was nighttime. He had slept longer than he had intended, and he was afraid. It was too dark to find his way home; he missed his mommy. He wanted to cry, but decided he would be a big bunny and not cry. He would wait for the sun to come up and then he would scamper home as fast as he could.

Once again, Bobby fell asleep.

When he awoke this time, the sun was out and the birds were singing. It was a beautiful day. “Oh, good! Now I can go home,” said Bobby.

He started to squirm his way out of the log and he was almost out when he heard, “Dum-dee-dum-dum. Dum-dee-dum-dum.” Someone was humming to himself. Then the phrase was repeated: “Dum-dee-dum-dum.”

“What is this?” Bobby wondered aloud. There was only one way to find out, he would have to leave the safety of the log. The voice did not sound scary. In fact it was quite a pleasant voice, so he made his way out into the sunshine.

There, before him, stood the biggest bunny he had ever seen. And to top it off, he was pink in colour! The bunny was stirring something in a big black kettle. And there were many more kettles spread throughout the glade.

Bobby was about to turn and hop away when the pink bunny said, “I was wondering when you were going to wake up, sleepyhead.”

“You knew I was in the log?” asked Bobby.

“I surely did, but you were sleeping so soundly, I thought I’d leave you alone, for the time being.”

“What are you doing?” Bobby wanted to know.

“I’m getting the colour ready for my eggs,” was the bunny’s reasoned response.

“Your eggs?”

“Yes, my eggs! I’m the Easter Bunny. You’ve heard of me.”

“I’m sorry, but I haven’t.”

“It doesn’t matter. Now, come and give me a hand. I have to mix the next colour.”

The Easter Bunny walked over to a kettle and lifted what looked like a heavy sack. He poured the contents into the pot. “You stir this while I go on to the next one.”

“I’m sorry, sir, but I have to go home. My mommy will be worried about me.”

“Yes, mommies are like that.”

“It’s been nice meeting you, sir.”

“Yes, yes. Now be on your way. I’m running late, and this year I have much work to do.”

Bobby turned away and hopped down the trail. But an hour later he was back. “I can’t find my way home. I’ve gone too far. I’ve never been this far into the woods before.”

The Easter Bunny sighed. “I will see that you get home, but first you must help me. Pick up a stick and stir that kettle over there,” he said pointing to the biggest kettle of the lot.

“It’s a little too high for me to reach,” said Bobby.

With another sigh, the Easter Bunny went over and opened a short step-ladder that was nearby and put it next to the kettle. “Here. Stand on this, and make sure the colour is thoroughly mixed with the water. There is nothing worse than spotted eggs.”

Bobby climbed to the top of the ladder and started to stir. Then he asked, “How long do I do this?”

“Until I get back,” answered the Easter Bunny. Then he added, “I won’t be long. I have to get the eggs.”

Bobby was warming to the task. It was fun to watch the colour swirls as they mixed with the water. His attention was so fixed on what he was doing that he did not notice he had moved a little too close to the pot. When he did notice, he tried to take a step back, but he lost his balance and fell into the kettle. That was all right; the water was not hot, but the edge was too high for him to reach. He yelled for help, but there was no one there to hear him.

In a few minutes, the Easter Bunny returned and saw the splashing in the kettle Bobby was supposed to be tending. He peered over the rim and saw a thoroughly soaked Bobby swimming around in circles.

“Can’t I leave you alone for even a minute?” the Easter Bunny asked. And without waiting for an answer, he reached down and pulled Bobby out of the water.

The Easter Bunny gave Bobby a towel and told him to dry off. “And sit over there, out of the way. As soon as my eggs are coloured, I’ll see you home.”

A few hours later, Bobby was standing in front of his burrow waving good-bye to his new friend, the Easter Bunny. When he went inside, he saw his mother standing at the sink and he called to her. She turned to him—and dropped the plate she was washing. His brothers and sisters snickered and laughed. “What is it?” he wanted to know.

“Look in the mirror,” said one of his brothers.

And so Bobby did look in the mirror and was surprised to see a very blue bunny staring back at him. It had been the blue dye kettle he had fallen into.

From that day onward, everyone called him, Bobby the Blue Bunny. And when he grew up, he became known as, Bobby the Big Blue Bunny. It was then that he stopped playing hide-n-seek. Being big and blue, he was always too easy to find.

The End

 

You Lucky People!!!

For the next three days my magnum opus Mahoney is on sale for a mere 99 cents. What a deal!!!

Please don’t all of you rush over to Amazon to buy it all at once. The line forms on the right.

Now, if ya’all will excuse me, I gotta go and read my reviews again (all great!) for the 10,000th time.

His Name is Trouble

His name is Trouble

His aim is to drag me down

His way is through the hooch

He seems to be winning the fight

I seem to be losing the fight

Trouble walks the path with me

Trouble speaks into my ear

Trouble says it’s all gonna be fine

Trouble makes me feel good

Trouble gets me into trouble

I feel good when he’s around

I can fly when he’s next to me

I can be anything I wanna be

I can even not be me

The freedom

I can laugh

I can sing

I can dance

I can love

I can die

Trouble is trouble

Trouble is on my mind

Trouble is my only friend

 

A Day for Dying

My man was killed yesterday—run down by a drunk driver while crossing a street.

Henry was my life. Henry was my everything.

He was a long way from home when he died. He should have been here with me, not out chasing money.

It was me that drove him off. I was always going on about how I wanted this and how I wanted that. Now all I want is my Henry back.

It don’t seem right that I’m here and he ain’t.

I think I’ll go to him.

The mountain ain’t that high. I can be up on top by sunset.

I’m wearin’ my wedding dress. Henry always said how pretty I looked the day we was pledged to one another. How my hair trapped the sunlight, how my eyes laughed, how he became weak in the knees as he stood next to me before the preacher. How much he loved me.

As I climb the mountain, I smile. I’m thinking on my Henry. I’m thinking of the time we was kids and went swimming down at old man Ives’ watering hole. It was the first time Henry ever did kiss me.

The sun’s going down; the clouds are orange and pink with purple ’round the edges.

I’m now up on the ridge.

Henry always said I didn’t have a lick of sense. I reckon I don’t.

I loved you so much, Henry, and I am so sorry for my evil ways.

It’s a long way down, but when I get there, I’ll be with my Henry.