Signs you’re in #India #travel #humor

Barb Taub

Signs, signs, everywhere the signs…

Some were scary.

We were never actually approached by monkeys offering to guide us, but they might have been more helpful than the human guides, who tended to race past the features of the site while gabbling a handful of facts (almost always duplicated in signs posted around the site, and definitely available in our DK Eyewitness Travel Guide To India) before steering us firmly to a shop where everything was “made by my family, Madam, all very original…”[This and all photos unless otherwise noted are ©2018 Jayalakshmy Ayyer & Janine Smith]

Dear Tourist, before entering Hampi, please register with the police, wear clothes, and watch out for robbers, thieves, and rapists. Have a nice day and don’t forget to leave a good review on TripAdvisor.

“Vault of the doom…” Amen.

“Please do not get in to the water because of whirlpools and crocodiles.” Posted…

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Book Review of a Very Funny Book

Where to start? I actually laughed out loud while reading this enjoyable book. I bought it because the title caught my eye. As usual, I put it on my kindle and promptly forgot about it. Then, a few nights ago, I thought maybe I should check it out. Well, that was it! I’m not saying I read it in one reading because I didn’t. But over the next few days, I pulled out my kindle every spare moment that presented itself.

The top 10 lists and the wonderful stories about her family while she was growing up were among my favorites—the stories about her father in particular.

However, I have one question. Why is she allowed in the attic to watch television while her poor deprived children have to make do with books? Another question: Ms. Taub, how were you able to bring Joseph Kony in to your very, very funny narrative? I doff my hat to your genius.

I was impressed that she wrote for the Wall Street Journal (pre- Rupert Murdoch).

I’d recommend this book to anyone without hesitation.

Eau d’baby puke indeed!

A Tale of Romance – Guest Post by Zoe The Fabulous Feline…

Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog

A Tale of Romance

Greetings, my friends. It’s Zoe the Fabulous Feline here. It’s February, the day before Valentine’s Day, and I have for you a romantic tale to warm your cockles. I’m not sure what “cockles” are—I’m a cat, after all—but I’ve heard the word and it tickles my fancy.

Just as an aside, my human, Emily, was looking over my shoulder and read the above. She is good at giving unsolicited advice, and so she promptly advised me that I should not use words I do not understand. She went on to say that the correct expression is “warms the cockles of my/your heart.” She then further explained (much to my chagrin) that cockles are the ventricles of the heart.

Well, not actually the ventricles,” says she. “It is more precise to say that the word cockles is a bastardized version of the Latin name for the…

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Really?

How the fuck can anyone take anyone who supports Trump (at this point) seriously. Are they not the very definition of stupid. My fucking God! My goddamn dog had more sense than a Trump supporter.
I mean, really … don’t you want to slap anyone who thinks Trump is great. He’s tearing families apart … he’s doing so much harm … but that’s cool as long as he makes some people some money. As I asked you before .. where does one draw the line?
Some people would feel so at home in 1930s Germany.
Fuck them … fuck their horses … and may they roast in hell for all eternity.
Jesus said I shouldn’t have said that. But he doesn’t have to live in a Trump world … so fuck him too!!!

Bless My Soul

I’m so in love. She is so fine. I don’t give a damn what anyone says. She’s my girl. She’ll always be my girl.

I met her in church. I was on my knees praying for forgiveness. She sat down next to me. Her smile … her eyes … set me free. My soul was in torment. I was a sinner.

Her name is Ecstasy.

She came to me when I needed her the most.

She raised me from my knees.

She had me stand as a man.

I had done bad things. I was a wretch. But she blessed my soul.

Please, please, I must have a little more time.

Please, please allow me to make amends.

If you knew how I regret my sins.

How my heart yearns to set things right.

But I think my time has run out.

She points the pistol at me.

Ecstasy says that I must die this night.

So be it.

Bless my soul.

Naked Before the Sun

I stand here naked before the sun. There is no place to hide. I wear my sins as a cloak for all to see.

I’m on my knees, begging for forgiveness.

Although, what I have done in this life is unforgiveable.

Her name is written on the skein of time and space.

I sit here in my drunken stupor and regret so much.

There is so little time … so little time.

Soon I’ll be dead and gone.

How long before my sins are forgiven?

When my bleached bones wash up on a distant shore?

When she who I have wronged and demeaned is in heaven?

If I could … I would go back and undo what I have done.

Know this … my karma will follow me into the next life. Hopefully, once there, I will be allowed to make amends.

I loved you … I loved you … I loved you so much. And I am so goddamn sorry.