Senator John McCain

I’m so sorry Senator John McCain is dead. I am really sad that’s he’s dead. I mean really, really fuckin’ sad he’s dead. I had one … just one lousy question I wanted to ask the man. And now, I’ll never get an answer to my question.

Fuck!

Hello, kind and gentle reader. It is I, Andrew Joyce, your favorite curmudgeon (and other things, but we won’t get into that). Once again, I have come to enrich your miserable lives. Not that your miserable lives need enriching (there’s not much hope for y’all anyway), but I do what I can.

Much like Jesus.

Anyway, back to Mister … I mean, Senator McCain.

When he died, most of the nation mourned his passing. And that’s cool … if you wanna mourn a war criminal. Have any of you ever asked yourselves what ordnance McCain dropped while flying his missions over Vietnam?

I’ll be happy to tell you if ya wanna know. If not, there’s a rerun of the Brady Bunch waiting for you over on TBS.

McCain dropped burning gasoline onto children while they played in front of their huts. He dropped bombs on mothers carrying their babies. Then he flew back to the carrier, got himself a cold beer and met his buddies in the ship’s movie theater to watch a first-run movie.

May his soul rot in hell!

What was he defending? As I remember it, the Viet Cong were not storming Miami Beach. I was there … trying to get laid … to no avail. So I can say with a certain amount of authority there were no gooks tryin’ kill to me over here in the Good Ol’ U. S. of A. circa 1968.

Now, before y’all get your panties in a twist, hear this: Yes, he was shot down and refused release unless the rest of the POWs could go with him. That speaks highly of the man. And I’m with you on that. But, if he dropped burning gasoline onto your child, would you still think him a hero? I kinda doubt it.

I’m getting off track here—back to the motherfucker McCain. Okay, he was young and believed in all that bullshit … or maybe he didn’t. Maybe he just felt like a hotshot, slinging off the deck of a carrier to rain down horror and death onto innocent men, women, and children.

Believe it or not, I give him a pass for all that shit. I wouldn’t want to stand in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates and try to explain it … but that’s McCain’s problem. My problem is trying to get you guys to know what a motherfuckin’ warmonger he was.

When he was shot down, who went into the water to save his sorry ass? Yeah, you got it. The very people he was dropping Death onto a few minutes before.

John McCain never met a war he didn’t love. And if there was no war, he’d try his damnedest to get our country into one. The guy was frothing at the mouth to start a war. What the fuck was the matter with that guy? And if you don’t believe me, go check out his record as a senator. (I wanted to say: If you don’t believe me, then you can go fuck yourself. But my friend who’s sitting here next to me and giving me dirty looks says I have to be nice. So I won’t say it.)

In closing: The world’s a whole lot better off without people like Senator John McCain takin’ up valuable space. You wanna know why? It’s high time we stopped killing one another so “defense contractors” can make billions. It’s high time we stopped letting other people, i.e., the assholes in congress, tell us what the fear du jour is.

I have enough trouble with the soup du jour at my local beanery.

I’ll leave you with these words of a master (paraphrased, of course). I like this guy. He wasn’t perfect, but he had one or two good ideas. Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t the son-of-a-bitch say something like:

“Love every goddamn motherfucker on this planet like you’d love yourself.”

Or did I just imagine that?

McCain—metaphorically speaking—wanted to kill everyone … every goddamn motherfuckin’ person who disagreed with the Exceptional U.S. of Fuckin’ A. If they didn’t suck on our collective cock, he wanted ’em dead.

The great artist Tim Buckley had a great line in one of his songs from the late ’60s. Wanna hear it. Well, tough shit. Here it is:

“I wanna kill me a gook before dawn.”

I mean, who doesn’t? And wasn’t that our national mantra back in the day?

Jesus was cool … “My kingdom is not of this world.”

Love … not fear … will get us into that kingdom. But not if we follow Senator John McCain’s way of thinking.

I wanna kill me a gook before dawn.

Senator John McCain, you better hope Jesus and his Old Man live up to their reputation regarding mercy. Because if any motherfucker (besides me) ever needed to be sent straight to hell, you’re the one.

Andrew Joyce signing off. I got shit to do and I really should not have taken the time to post this screed. But I wanted to piss y’all off. I mean, what the fuck is the internet for, if not for porn and pissing people off?

Proudly,

Andrew Joyce

February 9, 2023