First, I would like to introduce myself. I am Danny the Dog and I live on a boat with my human, Andrew. He’s okay … for a human. But today I want to talk about two of my most favorite things in the world.
First: turkey slices. Every morning I take Andrew out for his walk, and, after we return, he’ll give me a few turkey slices (yummy). More on this ritual next week! At first it was only one slice. But I eventually conned him into giving me a second slice, and then a third. Andrew is so malleable.
Allow me to explain. I have my demands down to single-bark commands. The way it works is that I’ll bark once if I want Andrew to do something for me. For example, if he doesn’t hop to within thirty seconds, I bark again, just once. That usually does it. I seldom have to bark a third time.
Now on to my next great joy—chasing anything with wheels on it. Don’t you just love to chase cars? Well, I do. I must admit, I don’t always do it, but when I do, I do it with a vengeance. Once, Andrew had me tied to a tree while he was communing with nature or whatever he does when he’s around trees (I use trees for a completely different purpose). We were hanging out by this building and a big truck, an eighteen-wheeler, drove by. I couldn’t resist. I went after it full force. But wouldn’t you know it? The damn leash stopped me two feet from the damn truck! The driver slammed on his brakes and had a pained look on his face because he thought he had run me over. So it wasn’t all for naught.
The last thing I want to tell you about is the time I bounced off the wheel of a pickup truck. Somehow I connived to get off the leash that Andrew insists I be tethered to whenever we’re outside. Anyway, he was distracted by something, and our neighbor, Beth, came tooling by in her truck. It was too good an opportunity to pass up and I tore out after the offending vehicle. Well, I’m embarrassed to say so, but I misjudged my trajectory. I hit the front wheel dead center and bounced off the hubcap. Poor Beth thought she had run me over. Andrew had a heart attack. And I just stood there with a dazed look and a big grin on my face. After all, when Beth stopped, I had won—I had captured the truck!
That’s about it for now. If I hurry, I might be able to catch a few cars before Andrew finds out I’m not on the leash.