Outta Commission for the Duration

Okay, here’s the story. Being a storyteller I can’t help myself. I was about an hour and a half into the woods on a beautiful Sunday morning. The sky was clear, the air brisk, and the birds were singing their morning songs for all the world to hear. Then I came along. I was making my way down a tall stone (about as tall as as I am) situated at a 45 degree angle. My foot slipped on some wet moss or algae. Anyway, it was green. When I came down, I heard a loud CRACK! I looked down and my left foot was at a 90 degree angle from my leg. It was pointed in a way it should not have been pointing. My first thought was that I should move it back in place before the pain set in. So, I reached down and took foot in hand and moved it back into place as far as I could. It was still 30 degrees outta plumb, but what the hell. I just so happened to have a cold Heineken on ice in my backpack, so I popped the cap and took a long slow swallow. Lying flat on the ground, I called 911. They pinged my cell phone and eventually found me. Once at the hospital, putting my ankle back in place before the surgery was a fun experience. And here I am.

The End

 

37 thoughts on “Outta Commission for the Duration

  1. I think I would have passed out seeing my foot 90 degrees in the wrong direction. No pain? Gee! You must have an angel on your shoulder, or maybe it was the beer in your hand… a fellow teacher did the same thing. She was out of commission for about two months. Best to you, Andrew.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Andrew, mend up quickly. So sorry to hear about this but the Heineken was an absolute must and how fortunate we are to have cell phones now! I’ll bet the pain was pretty bad – I might have hit myself over the head with the beer bottle – or I’ll bet it was a can..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. To be honest I have no memory of pain. But I do remember when I was on the phone with the 911 guy and he told me not to hang up and stay on the line … I kept sayin’ “FUCK, FUCK” over and over. Then I apologized for being such a pussy. He said, “No, no. You’re doing great. So, taking that praise in hand, so to speak … I popped the cap on the Heineken and the rest is history.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Whoa. A senior citizen like yourself should stay out of the woods. I see from the photo you are avoiding a hydrocodone dependence. That green bottle is the way to go. Who took this photo. I hope it was a beautiful woman who was fully clothed hence the frown. Get well soon my man.

    Liked by 2 people

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