She comes to me in the terrifying night when I need her the most
She is there by my bedside, in the morning, to start me on my day
She is warm, she is enveloping
She owns my body
She owns my soul
She is my lover
I put her in the old bent spoon
The flame underneath
She bubbles, she boils
In goes a small piece of cotton
The syringe brings her ever closer to me
The old belt goes around my bicep
The vein bulges
Now I bring my lover to me
Smoothly, the needle enters
Smoothly, my lover comes to me
She caresses my entire body with her warm glow
Our love has been consummated
She is everything to me
I will never give her up
She is my lover, she is my life
All my poems cry into the wind. All my words … all my dreams … are like leaves in a storm.
As I leave her behind, she starts to cry. I’ve never seen her cry.
I’ve never looked into her eyes without getting weak in the knees.
I’ve never kissed her without chills going up and down my spine.
She stands by the road, the cool wind blowing through her dark hair.
I finally realize she is only a girl.
I’ve been around. I never should have taken her.
I see the tears falling down her cheeks.
I must go. I have things to do.
Her silence holds me.
Her tears hold me in place.
But I must go. In time, she will understand.
In time … she will understand.
That is what I tell myself.
I’ve never seen her cry … until now.
I’ve never felt like this … until now.
I take a step back.
My hand reaches out.
Her hand takes mine.
I will never let her go.
Her smile sings to me … she will never cry again.
I long to be in a place of peace. I long to be where I can be me.
I long to be in a place of contentment, a place where I feel love from those around me.
I long to be where the sun shines, where tides rise and fall with the phases of the moon. I long to be where the moonlight bathes me in its silvery glory.
I long to be at peace with myself.
I long to be exactly where I am.
They allowed me outside of the marina for a few minutes this morning as long as I promised not to get into trouble. I almost made it.
Hey guys. What’s happening?
What? You wanna know what I’ve been up to?
I’ve been just sittin’ here … trying to kill myself.
No … no. Don’t get crazy on me.
I’m doing it slowly. It’s more fun that way.
I’ve been trying all my life … to end my life.
I mean, I threw myself into situations that would have got any decent guy killed.
But, me? No fucking way. The bullets just passed me by.
Then I thought drugs would do it. No fucking way, again. After thirty years of that shit, I found myself still here, I said to no one in particular, “What the fuck? Can’t a guy get break. I did OD a few times and spent days in a coma, but I still bounced back. Damn it!
So I left drugs behind.
Now I’m trying alcohol. My liver’s gotta admit defeat at some point.
So enough about me. What have you guys been up to?
I have only one thing to say … and that is STOP!!! Stop writing. If you are as bad as what is pictured above, please, please stop. Shut off your computer and get a book or two or three. Start reading. Get a little Steinbeck or a little London into your soul. If you don’t know the difference between righting and writing, take a break and read a goddamn book!!! Because ain’t no cockamamie program is gonna help ya.