Okay girls! I know you’ve missed me and I have missed you. But please, stop sending me letters, emails and videos begging me to write some more of my adventures.
Wait, let me back up for a minute. For the few humans on the planet who don’t know who I am, allow me to introduce myself by paraphrasing Mick Jagger. I’m a dog of wealth and fame . . . my name is Danny the Dog, a heartbreaker to all females . . . human and canine alike.
Now back to business. You girls are in luck; I have a new adventure for you.
My latest exploits started on a dark and stormy night. (Wouldn’t you know it?) My human was at the computer pulling his hair out because he had been editing his latest book. That’s the reason I haven’t been writing. My human, whose name is Andrew, and I share one computer and he was hogging it. I was going to bite him, but he is my sole source of food.
Anyway, after two years of writing and research and four months of editing nine to ten hours a day, seven days a week, ol’ Andrew was coming apart at the seams. It wasn’t all the work that was getting him down, although he is very indolent. It was the fact that he thought no one would ever read his genius work. (His word, not mine.)
So just before he fell apart completely. I gave him my one-bark command and I took him for a walk to calm him down. When we returned to the boat, I hopped up on the bench in front of the computer and wouldn’t make room for him. (See accompanying photo.)
I barked at Andrew, telling him to go to bed. Then I stayed up throughout the night fixing his mess for him. And I must say that I’m hell-on-wheels when it comes to writing.
When I was finished saving his career (career?) I went into his email account (I know all his passwords) and emailed the now genius work to his agent.
If he had emailed the book like he had it before I got to it, you would never have heard from Andrew Joyce again. But with my paw prints all over it, look for it on the New York Times bestseller list any day now. And when they make it into a movie, I’m going to play Rin Tin Tin! (I wrote in a part of a hero dog just to give his stupid story some credibility.)
Well folks, that’s it for this go-round. Now that I have more access to the computer, look for my next modest adventure: Danny the Dog Saves the World! As are all my adventures, it is 100% true.