Merry Christmas to all you dog lovers out there. As usual, it’s me Danny the Dog here to impart my wisdom to you frail humans. I’d rather be imparting my wisdom directly to my canine brothers, but it seems that I am the only dog that I know of that can read, never mind write.
It’s been a hectic year. I’ve been training my human to obey my commands. I thought I had that settled last year, but obviously, he needed retraining. However, down to my yearly message.
As you all know, it’s all about me. So Christmas, Smirmas. This is what I have to say.
Three weeks ago as I was walking my human, we ran into a giant Rottweiler. Now, I’m an easygoing kind of dog. I believe in live and let live as long as I’m in charge. So, I very nicely told the brute that this was my marina and I was the top dog. I couldn’t have been more pleasant. Well, I did jump up on him to make my point.
I guess he misunderstood because he went crazy on me. The next thing I knew his massive jaws were biting into me. Then he got a hold of my leg. I figured that was it. From then on, they would be calling me three-leg Danny.
But you know what happened? My useless human, who goes by the name of Andrew, jumped in and tried to save me. I say tried because he really is useless. Yes, he got the monster off of me before he crushed my leg, but in doing so he received a bite on his thigh. He told me later that if it had been two inches to the north he’d be singing soprano in the church choir.
At the end of the day, I couldn’t walk and we both got infected from the bites. But do not fear, we are on the mend. At least I am. Andrew dithers between taking his antibiotics and drinking Vodka. I think the Vodka is winning out.
That is my Christmas message. I am sure that there were many other things happening in the world over the last year, but they pale in comparison to my adventures.
Danny the Dog over and out.
Happy New Year!